Struggling with Change? 7 Ways to Build Cognitive Flexibility

Understanding Cognitive Rigidity

Have you ever found yourself struggling to adapt when something doesn’t go as planned?

Maybe you were excited for dinner out with your partner. You got dressed, headed to the restaurant—only to find yourself irritated because something felt off. The vibe wasn’t right. It didn’t match what you had pictured in your head. Your partner’s confused, and you’re not even sure how to explain what’s bothering you.

Or maybe you were planning to cook a delicious meal, only to discover you’re missing a key ingredient. Suddenly, the excitement fizzles into frustration—and you can’t quite recover from the disappointment.

If any of this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing cognitive rigidity.

What is Cognitive Rigidity?

Cognitive rigidity shows up when we’ve envisioned something a certain way, and the reality doesn’t match. Instead of shifting gears, we get stuck. Our brains interpret the change as a problem—or even a threat—and it feels nearly impossible to move on.

That’s because the plan mattered. We were attached to it. And losing that version of how things “should have gone” can bring up real distress—even if it’s over something seemingly small.

For many people who struggle with anxiety, cognitive rigidity is a common companion. Anxiety often tries to protect us by pushing us to control situations. But when life doesn’t line up with the mental blueprint we had, our internal alarm bells start going off—even when there’s no actual danger.

The good news? Just like physical flexibility, cognitive flexibility can be built over time. Here are some ways to start stretching that mental muscle.

7 Ways to Build Cognitive Flexibility

1. Try Tiny Changes
Start small. Switch up your walk to work or tweak your morning routine. Maybe you brush your teeth before your skincare instead of after. The goal isn’t just to change—it’s to notice how you feel when you do.
Do you feel a little uncomfortable? Totally fine. Awareness is the first step toward growth.

2. Sort Your Thoughts: Mine, Others, Reality
When anxiety wants control, a simple sorting exercise can help. Try breaking your thoughts into three categories:

• Mine: What you can control (your actions, honesty, emotional responses).

• Others: What you can’t control, but someone else can (their emotions, their choices).

• Reality: What no one controls (natural disasters, illness).
  This helps shift your focus to what’s actually within your power—and lets the rest go.

3. Open Hands Exercise
Once you’ve sorted your worries, gently practice releasing the ones not in your “mine” category. Physically open your hands and imagine those worries flowing out. It’s a symbolic way to invite in flexibility and let go of what isn’t yours to carry.

4. Ride the Wave
Anxiety is like a wave—it builds, crests, and eventually fades. Let yourself feel the discomfort without fighting it.
Remember the Chinese finger trap? The more you pull, the tighter it gets. But when you soften your grip, you’re free. Emotions often work the same way.

5. Build Awareness
Sometimes, just having language for what’s happening—like “cognitive rigidity”—can be a game-changer.
Try journaling when you feel stuck or frustrated. Ask a friend or partner how they notice this shows up in you. Or talk to a therapist to get curious together. Gaining perspective is one of the best tools for creating change.

6. Mindfulness
Mindfulness is all about paying attention to your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations in a non-judgmental, accepting way. Practicing mindfulness can help you notice when cognitive rigidity is happening, so you can more easily release the urge to control your thoughts and emotions.

Some mindfulness practices include yoga, guided breathing, or simply going for a mindful walk where you engage your senses—naming what you can see, hear, feel, taste, and smell. All these activities help train your brain to stay present and let go of the need for control.

7. Building Empathy
When we get stuck in our heads, it can be tough to see things from other people's perspectives. But practicing empathy can help you become more flexible in your thinking.

A great technique for building empathy is active listening. Use the acronym LUVR:

• Listen: Really hear what the other person is saying.

• Understand: Make sure you’re grasping their point of view.

• Validate: Acknowledge their feelings, even if you don’t agree.

• Repeat: Summarize what they’ve said to show you understand.

Practicing empathy like this can help you break out of rigid thinking patterns and become more flexible in your relationships with others.

Final Thoughts

I hope these ideas help you practice inviting more flexibility into your life. Remember, cognitive rigidity is something we all experience, and you’re not alone if you struggle with it. With mindfulness and other habits, cognitive flexibility will become easier over time.

As you grow more flexible in your thinking, you’ll notice improvements not only in your relationship with yourself but in your connections with others as well. You've got this!

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